yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
