did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
