the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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