How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
