someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
