whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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