Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
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