You're completely useless in the revolution.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
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waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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