i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
