He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
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Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
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And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I need water and some morals
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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