You just made me feel so damn special
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
