I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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