I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
