im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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