My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
