you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
