I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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