Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
