Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
