The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
