I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
