here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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