Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
