I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
