Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm always down for nudity.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
