I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
