my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
