His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I can text with my tongue
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
