pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
