You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
