he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
