My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
