It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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