good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
no more duck duck goose at the bar
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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