thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
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Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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