I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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