It's Friday. Sex?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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