I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
