Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
