So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
