You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
