I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
