I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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