dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
