Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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