Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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