Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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