Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
