I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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