did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
