so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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