so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
