I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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