What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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