Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
