It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
