I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
