this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
