The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
