But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
